Regardless

There was something soft about her voice.

How I wish I could live in that moment, 12:30pm…17/04/17, I felt a force I thought I would never feel due to my insolence.

To think of it, I knew deep down all these years of unquestionable silence and guilt that we were more than what it was or seem to be

I could hear unrefined love in your voice, I know you heard mine from my husky flu congested throat.

Those few moments we talked about things that were inconsequential, all I heard was “I miss you, you fucked up but I love you…you cant get what you lost completely but I’m still yours”

Damn how I wish!!!…

Seeing your name on my phone was joy that comes from atonement, hearing your voice was restitution.

How can you still want to hear from me?  after the bull I put you through, I”m glad we feel what we feel…….Regardless….th

 

 

 

The Unfortunate Prayer

As we stoke flames that are already burnt out
As we prepare for races that has been run

As we fight hopeless battles 

May we be let down easy. 

LABTYD 

Thought process: 1

Hobbies include: Playing victim

We discover things about ourselves that are so glaring but we’re busy blaming every other person that we don’t see/feel what is right inside of us.

That’s me, always blaming others. Well that statement isn’t really true cos i see myself as a rational being, very objective and putting my environment as a base of my thought process.(see what i did there…)

So you see, its quite difficult saying i’m living in a bubble of nobility.

I think it depends on the sphere of my life we are looking at.. for instance: :LOVE…

I believe if you’re with someone, then all Darren Hayes sings about love should be ideal for how a relationship should be. I wouldn’t want to be in situation where i keep thinking u’re cheating on me or making me doubt myself.

Funny enough, that’s all i have had for awhile now. i’m attracted to “drama” so people say, hence the first statement; playing victim.

The question is thus; do I like the attention it brings complaining to people of how unhappy i am and unwilling to do anything about it? or am i truly unlucky when it comes to my selection process of partners?

I think i have been able to figure that a little.

I give people too much credit these days tbh, i use to never be disappointed when people acted in certain ways, as i grew, my heart opened up to start accepting bullshit(they say its for the best). I failed to put myself first, trying to live selflessly when it wasn’t necessary..at that time. i shoved objectivism to the side when ever love for a partner was involved. That continuous act made me weak and filled with self doubt and diminished my self worth. Nemo dat quod non habet( you cant give what you dont have). This made me naked to my core and i always feel i need someone to cloth me with their love.

That being said i don’t think i was unlucky, i think i need to put myself first, that would change the dynamics of my relationship quickly. Very quickly indeed, love should brew from within and extend to another, that’s how it is and that’s how it will be.

About the attention, it depends on who really…..that i shall leave out…

Shalomth (1)!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Teeter Totter Love

I’m back at it again with my whining.

I really love roller coasters but not the emotional ones.I have been suffering from anxiety for a while now(self diagnosed) , its really difficult sitting on the edge, so uneasy and uncomfortable.

This is not healthy.

I think of ways to make you happy, but you act like a bitch

Fuck you!!! I love you!!!! I really want things to be how  it started.

My problem is, its too early to die off but I pray i get over that shit so I can leave your ass(for my sanity).

 

 

TGIF/SHURA: THE ARTIST

Its Friday!!! thanks captain obvious.

Anyway I’m super excited about the weekend, get to kick back, relax and watch my shows.

Sooo, I just discovered an artist today: Shura. Her music speaks to me in some levels, still exploring so I don’t really have much to say about her (discovered an hour ago).

I just included one of her songs, this one has an 80’s vibe to it.

Enjoy……

 

 

A bird in hand

They say is Worth 2 in the bush. 

How correct is that?

In plain sense, it means it’s better to be happy with the things we have rather than risk everything in order to get more. 

In love, that’s a different ball game. U may have this bird, this reliable, I’m always there when you need me kind of bird but still want more. We could be bored or feel we’re not reaching our full potential with this bird. Trust me when you get there…. I’ll be the last person with the slightest idea on how to deal with it. 

For one, I’m  Usually the bird that’s always there and I wonder why I’ve been kept in my nest unattended and say things like “one day you’ll realize what you’ve lost”… Tbh I’m still waiting for one of them to say that. 

Not to make it seem like a pity party, I’ve had instances of me being the hunter aka the bird owner. 

But there’s one I won’t forget, more like I regret cos that bird was my great white owl…. Sigh

Oh well, that’s life!!! 

So… Before I drift… Is a bird in hand worth more than 2 in the bush as regards to love? 

It depends… If u’re the bird or the hunter 

Shalom!! 

Semantic satiation

It’s not even 10am and I have experienced the full blow of life.

I’ve been disappointed and I’ve achieved quite a lot. 

In fact my achievement outweighs the disappointment. 

I try not to get disappointed when things don’t go my way, things that involve people cos they tend to always fill that size 11 shoe of disappointment.

I’ve said that word so much that it’s now losing its meaning: semantic satiation…. Exactly how I feel when I get disappointed. Lol